Blog - Page 8 of 13 -

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 34

Breastplate of Righteousness – The Heart’s Protection

Stand therefore…and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

– Ephesians 6:14

Who am I? Where is my place in this world? These are questions that I have asked myself for a very long time as I struggled with my identity and to fit in. I had come to define who I am based on my life’s experiences – a failure, worthless, dirty, unclean, a victim, to be used by others, an alien, just to name a few. Moreover, from a child I was always different and I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I just couldn’t and didn’t fit in – not in my family, not at Church, not at school, not at work nor in my community. It therefore begged the questions: Who am I? Where is my place in this world?

I’ve known rejection, abandonment and abuse that impaired my perception of who I am, and not fitting in I resorted to isolation. Isolation became my main coping mechanism in a quest to maintain my sanity. Yet I yearned to belong. Therefore, I looked for love and acceptance in all the wrong places from all the wrong people only to feel rejected time and time and time again. Why did I feel rejected? I was too needy. I couldn’t find the balance between needing people and needing people too much.

Therefore, I lived with the guilt of being a burden or a bother to others and the shame of not being able to hold my own. It was difficult for me to accept who God says I am in His Word. Among other things, I am accepted in the beloved and I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. I needed the breastplate of righteousness in order to keep my heart free from the hurts of my past.

The Roman soldier’s breastplate protected the heart and central organs of the body against assault. It was an indispensable defensive piece of weaponry.

2 Feb 2021

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 33

Loinbelt of Truth – The Word of God

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth…

– Ephesians 6:14

I realized that even though I gave my life to Christ at an early age in my youth and spent a lot of time reading the Bible, the Word of God wasn’t central in my life. The opinions of others about me were controlling my life. I so much wanted to be loved, accepted, and appreciated by others especially my family that what they said about me mattered the most. Often times when I tried to be assertive for my own good or said no to requests made of me that I genuinely couldn’t, I was told that I was evil, mean, selfish, and called myself a Christian, I was stupid, I shouldn’t talk and let others hear what I say because I was ignorant, I was a wet box of matches, just to mention a few. I believed all of those things for most of my life and they influenced how I lived my life – in isolation. I dared not let others find out all those things about me. I wanted to appear perfect in the eyes of others. After all, as a Christian shouldn’t I be perfect? This was my perception of a Christian as a youth, someone who is perfect. Thus, I questioned my salvation and tried very hard to be good. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried to be good the more I did everything wrong so I was always beating up on myself for not doing anything right and for being a failure.

There were times when others told me how selfless, kind and loving a person I am but I didn’t believe them. My adopted mother asked me all the time, “Joanne whose report will you believe?” “Do you believe what God says about you in His Word?” Even so it was difficult for me not to believe what man had said about me for so long because as I mentioned in a previous devotional, I tended to discount the positive and believe the negative.

Ironically, there are others whom I have ministered to as a teacher, counsellor, mentor and speaker who mentioned to me how their lives have been blessed and changed by the words I spoke to them but the very Word of God that I used to minister to them seemed not to have been working for me. I remember a friend telling me over and over that the same Word of God that I minister to others must also be evident in my own life. I needed to be armed and skilled in using the piece of weaponry called the loinbelt of truth which is the Word of God.

The Roman soldier’s lionbelt was the most important piece of weaponry in the entire armour. It was the central piece of weaponry. To it was affixed most of the other pieces of weaponry to hold them in place. In order for the Roman solider to effectively use the other pieces of weaponry was contingent on his lionbelt. If he had no loinbelt then his ability to use the other pieces of weaponry would be impaired. Having a lionbelt gave the Roman soldier security and confidence in battle.

Joanne Coping with Difficulties 2 comments

1 Feb 2021

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 32

Standing Strong in the Whole Armour Of God

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

– Ephesians 6:13

Last week was a very intense one for me. My birthday was last week and I had an awesome celebration. However, I also had some unpleasant experiences with persons whom I care about and love dearly. Therefore, by yesterday I was overwhelmed and ambivalent about writing this morning’s devotional. Why was I overwhelmed and ambivalent? Because I once again let my guard down and was thinking too deeply about one particular situation, trying to solve it in my mind but not communicating with the significant others. Then last night I was talking with a friend who reminded me that I was once gain inside my head and I needed to get out of my head, see the situation for what it is, do what I can and don’t think about what I can’t do. This bit of encouragement helped me to refocus and reminded me that I am engaged in a perpetual spiritual warfare and I must be attired in the whole armour of God at all time. Even though I am attired in the whole armour of God I can’t afford to let my guard down. To say, “Well I am dressed in the whole armour of God so I am safe and I can go to sleep”, in the midst of a wrestle is lunacy. That attitude spells defeat. It therefore means that I have to be intentional and consistently guard my heart with all diligence. It took years for the enemy to setup strongholds in my mind and I realize renewing my mind is a process that I must daily engage in the Word of God.

Having described the intensity of spiritual warfare in Ephesians 6:12, that is, the wrestle against principalities, powers, the rulers of the darkness of this world, and spiritual wickedness in high places, the Apostle Paul emphatically commanded believers in Christ, “Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand” (Ephesians 6:13).

In Ephesians 6:11 the Apostle Paul issued an urgent command to attire in the whole armour of God. Here in verse 13 he emphasized it as he stated, “Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God…” Why is there such an urgency in this command to take unto you the whole armour of God? It is of paramount importance to take unto you the whole armour of God so that “…you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.”

31 Jan 2021

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 31

The Intensity of Spiritual Warfare

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

– Ephesians 6:12

In reflection I realized that for as long as I can remember myself I have been a deep thinker, I internalized everything around me and every word spoken to me, I scrutinized everything and everyone, I trusted no one, and I mostly held a negative prospective of everything. This is mainly because of the cognitive distortions that I had developed as coping strategies due to the prolonged and severe adverse events I experienced from a child. That was how I survived (so I thought). But in actuality, it was one of the devil’s devices to gain access to and setup strongholds in my mind in order to destroy my life. In the previous devotionals I mentioned the cognitive distortions ‘polarized thinking’ (all-or-nothing, or black and white thinking), ‘mental filtering’, and ‘discounting the positive’. Today I would like to share with you another that I also developed, that is, ‘personalization’ where I took everything personally even when they had no connection to or caused by me at all. Hence, in some instances I blamed myself for situations that were of no fault of my, like when I blamed myself for being sexually abused as a child and for the persons’ leaving as I mentioned in previous devotionals.

Several years ago I visited with a friend in Boston, USA and took ill. After being ill for a few days, one day my friend left work to take me to the emergency and stayed for hours by my bedside as I was treated. I felt so guilty because I blamed myself for getting sick and for her having to leave work and being at the hospital for so long, while in truth and in fact there was nothing that I did wrong or to cause myself to become ill. This friend often told me, “Get over yourself Joanne, and don’t take yourself so seriously because others aren’t taking you that seriously.”

How do I get over myself and not take myself so seriously when there is a perpetual war being waged in my mind? These cognitive distortions that I had developed were so real and made sense even though they were not the truth.

30 Jan 2021

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 30

Attire With The Whole Armour of God!

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

– Ephesians 6:11

In light of all the experiences I have had in my life I have had to struggle to break free from the hold that the devil had on me. The greatest battle I have had to fight (and still fighting) is in my mind. Even though in the midst of going around the mountain of anxiety and depression I managed to successfully obtain higher education and a career, I still thought that I was worthless. Instead of acknowledging my successes as a result of my hard work, determination, shrewd choices, intelligence or skills, I always assumed they must have been accidents or some type of incongruity. Also, even though others recognized and complemented my successes, gifts, talents, abilities, excellent spirit and work attitude, tenacity, dedication, perseverance, intelligence, etc, I never believed any of it. Instead of acknowledging their kind remarks, I just always thought that they weren’t truthful but just being polite by saying these nice things to me.

I was stuck with another cognitive distortion ‘discounting the positive’, which involved a negative bias in my thinking. Just like ‘mental filters’ which I mentioned in yesterday’s devotional. This perpetuated the vicious cycle of going around the mountain of anxiety and depression. I needed to break free from these strongholds in my mind which resulted from the assaults of the devil because they were the impetus for every maladaptive behaviour that I exhibited.

In my quest for solution to defeat the war that was waging in my mind, the Holy Spirit taught me the significance of being attired with the whole armour of God daily.

The Apostle Paul issued an urgent command to us as believers in Christ to, “put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil”.

29 Jan 2021

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 29

Receive Strength from the Lord and His Mighty Power!

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

– Ephesians 6:10

As a result of my perceptions of the experiences I’ve had in my life I was often overwhelmed by negative emotions. The cognitive distortion ‘mental filtering’ became my constant companion. Thus, I tended to ignore everything that was positive and was fixated only on those things that were negative. I held such a negative perception of myself and my future that those extreme negative thoughts caused feelings of hopelessness which triggered suicidal ideation and attempts. My interpretations of circumstances always resulted from my use of a negative mental filter, which wasn’t only inaccurate but kept me going around the mountain of anxiety and depression in a vicious cycle that I was perpetually weak and tired in my total being – body, soul and spirit.

I believe that I had experienced times of relief and peace but those always lasted for a short time before I was going around the mountain of anxiety and depression again. So much so that a friend of mine would ask me every time I relapsed, “You un-deliver yourself again after God has delivered you?” Her question propelled me to desire to maintain my healing and deliverance but I seemed unable to do so.

A few months ago I began to ponder in my heart a question that a dear friend asked me one morning. It was a question for which she needed an urgent answer but also one that was very relevant to me. “What do you do when you have prayed, and believed for healing yet the symptoms persist?” As I pondered on this question I heard in my spirit, “be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might” (Ephesians 6:10).

Joanne My Personal Experiences 3 comments

28 Jan 2021

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 28

Resisting the Devil is Your Choice!

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

– James 4:7

In yesterday’s devotional I mentioned that I wrote the last one on the 26^th January which was my birthday and didn’t continue because I allowed negative thoughts to take me back into a place of anxiety and depression. What exactly happened on that day? I woke up at 3:00 a.m. as I usually do to have my devotion and enthusiastically wrote the devotional as I was inspired as usual. I was happy when the morning began and anticipated a great birthday as I looked forward to the many birthday greetings via phone calls and messages. However, there was one particular person (my adopted mother) from whom I expected a call but she didn’t call because she forgot. I waited as the morning went by yet still no call from her. I only felt rejection and abandoned by the one who had become a mother to me and it reminded me of the past feelings of rejection and abandonment by my own mother as a child. Several other persons had wished me well on my birthday but I still felt like no one cared. It didn’t matter because none of those persons was my adopted mother. I couldn’t appreciate all the others because of the cognitive distortion ‘polarized thinking’ (all-or-nothing, or black and white thinking). For me it had to have been ‘all or nothing’, that is, if I didn’t receive what I perceived to be all that I needed, then what I did receive was deemed as nothing. That was one of the lies that the devil tried to mentally attack my mind with over and over and over again which I allowed for a very long time. This attack on my mind hindered me from continuing my God given assignment and caused me to unfruitfully go around the mountain of anxiety and depression again. Therefore, an assignment that was intended to be accomplished in one year has been delayed for two year. What a waste of time! All because I didn’t chose to resist the devil.

James tells us in chapter 4 verse 7 to “…Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” The word “resist” is a derivative of the Greek word anthistemi, a compound of the words anti and istimi. The meaning of the word anti is against, as to oppose something. The meaning of the word istimi is to stand. When compounded together to form the word anthistemi, it means to stand against or to stand in opposition. This word demonstrates the attitude of one who is fiercely opposed to something and therefore determines that he will do everything within his power to resist it, to stand against it, and to defy its operation (Renner, 2003).

James used this word to emphasize to us the need for us to aggressively determine to stand against the work of the devil. It is not enough to just be passive and pray that God will take away the negative thoughts the devil assaults us with. This is warfare and we must fight with all diligence and dedication to successfully drive back the forces of the devil against our lives.

Joanne My Personal Experiences 4 comments

27 Jan 2021

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 27

Leaving the Past Behind and Moving On!

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

– Philippians 3:13

A few years ago one Sunday morning during worship in Church, I heard the Lord said to me as clear as crystal, to write these devotional on anxiety and depression and share my personal experiences to encourage others. I wrote in my journal what I heard in my spirit that day and did nothing. For a few years after I had this tugging in my spirit to write but I ignored it because I felt inadequate and I was still ashamed of my life. I believed the lies of the enemy that I had nothing important to share. However, I couldn’t ignore the tugging in my spirit any more so on the 1^st January 2019 I began writing these devotionals that you have read so far up until yesterday the 26^th January, then I stopped. What happened to cause me to stop writing?

Imagine, after writing for 26 days about how to live a life characterized by the peace and love of God and having the mind of Christ, I let my guard down and succumbed to anxiety and depression yet another time. I can hear some saying, ‘practice what you preach’ and ‘physician heal thyself’. The truth is while these are ideal to practice it is often not the case. One must make a conscious decision to do so.

How did I let my guard down? I didn’t practice what I had been preaching. In the devotional on the 20^th I shared on “Thinking about what you are thinking about” from Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Then six days later on the 26^th of January which was my birthday I allowed my thoughts to run wild in my mind, thinking about all sort of negative things about my past that pushed me back into a state of anxiety and depression. I didn’t stop to think about what I was thinking about. I didn’t think on the things that were virtuous and praiseworthy. I didn’t refute the negative thoughts. I didn’t cast down the imaginations, all to my detriment.

Joanne My Personal Experiences 0 comments

27 Jan 2019

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 26

Boldly Approach God’s Throne of Grace!

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

– Hebrews 4:16

I realized that because of all the trauma I experienced that resulted in the maladaptive behaviours I exhibited, I often felt that I could not do anything right. For example, I knew that I needed to eat balanced meals in order to be healthy yet I starved myself on purpose. I knew that chronic purging will eventually damage my stomach and intestines but I couldn’t control myself whenever I was tempted to purge so I did. I knew that committing suicide was not going to solve my problems yet I couldn’t resist the temptations to do so every time. Also, I knew that isolating myself only left me alone to my thoughts and caused me to be an easy prey for the enemy yet I isolated myself anyway. Therefore, I was always so hard on myself for never doing anything right.

I also found it difficult to trust others because of my perception that no one loved me or cared about me so I never wanted to be a bother or burden to others. Hence my inability to seek help when I needed it. I often felt that I was too needy and that was what drove people away from me. I didn’t know how to find the balance between needing people and needing people too much. As a result, my first reaction was to protect myself from rejection. I felt like no one understood what I was going through.

Furthermore, I believed that I had disappointed everyone, including God so I was too ashamed to ask for help when I needed it. After all, why would anyone help me when I was the cause of my issues in the first place? If I would only do what’s right then I wouldn’t need to ask anyone for help. Hence, so many times I knew that I just needed to talk to God but I couldn’t bring myself to doing it.

Nevertheless, friends, no matter what your situation is or how you feel, you are encouraged in Hebrews 4:16, “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need”.

Joanne My Personal Experiences 2 comments

26 Jan 2019

The Antidote for Anxiety and Depression: Trust in Abba Father’s Care – Pt 25

Is Your Heart Sad or Glad?

Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.

– Proverbs 12:25

One morning my great-niece (Princess) Rhea and I were in my car going to town. She was about 12 years old at the time. It was obvious that she had observed my behaviours at home, such as locking up in my room, not interacting much with the family, not going out, etc. so she had lots of questions for me. Rhea was always very wise beyond her age and an intelligent child. Therefore, that morning, I felt led to explain to her that I had been struggling with depression and anxiety and what those looked like for me. I expressed to her that I often felt rejected, unloved, unappreciated and taken for granted by the people I loved so dearly. At that time, my heart was filled with excessive anxiety and grief so that I had no interest nor motivation to do anything. If you have read my previous devotions then you can understand why that was so.

Then Rhea said to me, “Auntie Joanne even if you are not told I love you by others, it does not mean that they don’t love you. People show love in different ways. The fact that your mother calls every day and asks for you says that she loves you, and the fact that when you are sad mummy tells Kairo (Rhea’s little brother who was a baby at the time) “Kairo, Auntie Joanne is sad go and give her a hug and a kiss”, is her way of showing that she too loves you, and you know I love you”.

Those words from Rhea were so inspiring and encouraging that my heart was delighted that morning.

I therefore concur with Solomon the wisest man ever lived, that “Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad” as he indicated in Proverbs 12:25.